Posts tagged ‘knit knightmares’

Knit Maxi Dress [1973]

Maxi-Knit

Long dresses have come back into style recently.  A quick search of the term “maxi dress” comes up with near-countless stores offering the long lengths in many styles and colors.  Thankfully, the cut and fabric is now much better than it was the last time such dresses were popular.

And thankfully, knitting your maxi dress is no longer necessary.

This gem was found in the Fall/Winter 1973-74 issue of McCall’s Needlework & Crafts. With her slippers and really old book, the model is settling in for a night of badly-lit reading.  Or entertaining Aunt Flo.  The plunging knit neckline dares to call out that she is kind of young, kind of now – “Charlie!” The iron cauldron above the hearth is locked down once more, cleaned and dried after the last initiation.  The hard-wood rocking chair is sure to create unparalleled back spasms after 45 minutes – time enough to get through the first chapter and grab a hot toddy.

Knit in a base of green, her wearable couch throw is adorned in the whimsical colors of a candy box.

This mating can only come from a decade which already represents so many of our styling debacles.  The gold about her neck shines against the spotlights above her kitchen counter, and snags the yarn with ease.  Lapels a-plenty are a classy accessory, certainly shiny and stretchy in a way only polyester can move.  Her makeup and hair are done to the final detail, telling her man that this book can be laid down and her matching coat is waiting in the hall closet.  Are the colors of this maxi dress Christmas-like?  Maybe.  Is the maxi dress warm?  Probably, to the point that the fire at her back is probably making her itch.  Will her husband take her to the steak house in her new threads?

Not on your life.

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Knit Knightmares – Mini Dress from Space [1970]

Knit Knightmares - Mini Dress from Space [1970]

If Persis Khambatta and Kate Beckinsale had a Seventies Supermodel sister, this probably would not have been her crowing moment…

The Finish Line

Using the traditional symbol of winning, she draws attention of the fast-paced champion with her checkerboard shawl – summoning him and all followers to the impending doom of a narrow lane flanked with trees.

“Follow me boys…to eternity.”

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Photo from McCall’s Winter 1970-71 Issue

They Brother’s Tailor

“No, baby…it makes me feel high to wear my little brother’s tops. Not only do I look good, but I’m good at looking good too. My Eldorado is right over there…let’s go boogie.”

I guess color blindness was also the in-thing in 1975. Sadly, this picture is proof that ill-fitting sweaters get all the hot chicks.

Ooh! Ahhh! Um-Hum! Umm…Yeah!

Ooh! Ahhh! Um-Hum! Umm...Yeah!

Word…

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Photo from McCall’s Winter 1970-71 issue

When Crochet Goes Bad

“Are you serious Moira?

You want my help hanging this? What the hell is it? Looks like the earth’s exploding.  And there’s blue goo oozing out the side. What are those? Are they stars or Samurai weapons? The bird looks like it got slammed behind a door or something. Looks like crochet. It feels like, hey wait a minute. Oh hell…it is crochet. You crocheted a picture? Did I pay for that yarn?

Sweet mother of trinity.

No, I don’t care how much your sister likes crochet. If she wants to drink one of those Marjareetas or whatever the hell they’re called and look at this picture, put it in the car with her and send them both to Tijuana.

You want to hang it where? No way…for crying out loud Moira, I’m not putting it over the bar. That’s where I have my Chargers helmet and Jim Beam light shade. John Hadl gave me that helmet. He didn’t knit me some retarded picture. Football and booze. That’s what goes over the bar. Football. Booze. Maybe a pin up, but guys don’t like smashed birds and exploding worlds done in crochet. Maybe the Ninja weapons but no birds. Ball, booze, blades, broads Moira. No birds. Get it straight.

Now go fix me a double. And a ham sandwich. It’s almost lunch time.”

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